Contemplations - Part One

   I was just sitting on my couch, contemplating how I will be turning twenty in two days. Time is such a strange phenomenon. I feel like my year being 19 has been one of the most important, life-changing years I've ever had. At this time two years ago, I would have laughed if it was suggested that I would live in Germany for a year. I never thought I could do it, but I did.
    I was still 18 when I first arrived in Germany, and in many ways, I had never felt so young before. I don't even want to think what I would have been like if my good friend, Kellyn, hadn't gone with me, but even with her there, I was put in a state of complete reliance on strangers. I was so scared of offending my host family, getting lost, being misunderstood, being disliked, and failing miserably in my job.
   It was in the first two months that I really questioned if I had made the right decision to go overseas. Despite this, I was truly learning more each day of how to handle my new life in this new family culture, and this new country. In the beginning of June, I did something I had never done before: (1) take a train by myself, and (2) find a new church home. Those might seem quite unequal, but they were both the same day, so they just stick together in my mind.
     I went to the International Baptist Church of Hamburg (IBC) and truly felt at peace. I am generally not someone who would take a ride with someone I don't know. But this day, I sat next to a lady at church; a lady who had an American accent. I was pretty much starved for more Americans by this point. We got talking and really hit it off. Amazingly enough, she and her family offered me a ride home, and I felt totally comfortable accepting it. That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship with my dear, dear Emily.
       My life continued on, and I grew to love my church, and Kellyn loved it too. It was the majority of the time we actually got to spend together. I learned more German and taught more English. I learned how to enjoy my time with an eleven year old boy. I began to be comfortable in my situation and being able to fend for myself. I was able to be friends with my co-workers and be a support to them when they needed me. I truly learned to love people who did not deserve it.
    I turned 19 after being in Germany for 5 months. I still had 7 months to go! My job was not physically difficult, but it was so emotionally difficult and draining. People always ask how many kids I had to take care of and I always feel like a wimp when I say just one, and yet continue on to describe how difficult it was. But you see, I wasn't really taking care of one kid...I was taking care of a family. A family who needed so much help, and help that I truly was incapable of providing.
  Thankfully, God did provide the help that I needed. He gave me a church family who loved me, a friend who would do anything for me, a family who supported me, and most of all, He gave me a way of communicating with Him. I don't think my spiritual health has ever been so tried, or so fruitful, as my time in Germany. It is so much easier to rely on God when there is nothing else even close to rely upon.
 I'm getting really long winded, so I'll try to wrap it up here. Christmas came and Kellyn and I both made our way home; her to stay, and I to visit. Our travel didn't go according to plan, especially having a 4 day layover in London. Our grand total of 7 days and 9 airports made for a very VERY stressful trip, but we both grew. We survived, and we both made it home for Christmas.
  Going back to Germany without Kellyn was not easy, but I think it was one of the best things for me. As someone from church mentioned this morning, I had to "get rid of my crutch". Kellyn was always there to make me laugh, or feel my frustration, protect me, or what have you...she always had my back, and she was and is the only person who can truly understand what my job was like. But without her, I had to learn how to stick up for myself, to express what I felt was important, and I did! I also became so much more comfortable with my German communication.
  My last week in Germany was probably one of the most important of the entire year. Though it was a bit of an anxious week for me, I know that I was stretched a lot, and God truly blessed my time there. I was given the opportunity to serve with one of my good friends in street ministry, and what I learned there was life changing for me. There are seriously no words that can fully express how much I grew in every way while I was in Germany, and guess what! That was only half of my 19th year!! I'll save "post-Germany" for tomorrow.