The reality is that we have no true way of knowing how long it will be before we have our child in our arms. This is difficult for me. I’m a strong planner! I like to know how my near future is going to play out as best as I can.
If we were connected with a birth mom who still had a couple of months left of pregnancy, we would have a little time to prepare and make arrangements, and that would be wonderful. But I have a gut feeling that we are going to get a “stork drop”, which means we will find out about the right before the baby is born or at some point after. It could even be weeks after baby is born and all the sudden we have a child in our home! It sounds exhilarating and terrifying!!
I think in a lot of ways I would prefer the stork drop. We wouldn’t have months of building hope tampered by the knowledge that mama could decide to parent her baby. With a stork drop, the decision has already been made.
I think what I’m coming to grasp more fully is that going through adoption is just as much of an emotional rollercoaster as going through pregnancy was for me. Only this time I don’t have to deal with the physical trauma.
The rollercoaster all comes down to hope. With our pregnancies, MMM always felt more hopeful than I did. I had hope in my first pregnancy. I thought my gut feeling must have been wrong! I always knew I wouldn’t have biological children, but I assumed that meant I wouldn’t get pregnant. I had no concern of miscarriage. After we lost Rachel, my hope was gone. Each pregnancy after her was tinged with resignation. Even after my ultrasound with Connor, my hope didn’t improve much.
Adoption for me is different. I have absolute confidence that God has called us to adoption. I know God has children for us in some way. Where I lack hope is in the waiting. I want to have patience in Gods timing.
I’m part of a national support group on Facebook, and I have seen multiple couples adopting out of Utah! It’s hard to not feel discouraged that we missed out on a baby in our area, but I know that we only want the baby that God has planned for us. He has a purpose for those families that we won’t not be able to fulfill if that baby had come to us instead.
Please be praying for us. For the right situation to come to our attention. For peace and patience in the waiting. For continued hope in God’s timing.
