Reading it was really interesting. I’ve had many people comment on how hard it must be to feel like we are being assessed and judged on our worthiness to be parents. I never felt judged until I read our draft.
It’s kind of a strange thing to describe. I agree with everything said 100%! The caseworker as well as our references truly captured us as we are. I feel very accurately displayed, but I think that is inherently where the discomfort lies.. displayed.
We see our own strengths and weaknesses, but we don’t want anyone else to see them. It seems silly, but to have it noted that I can be disorganized was hard for me. I have always been disorganized. I freely discuss how much it is a part of my daily habits. In fact, I’ve become way more organized as an adult, but it’s still a weakness. Having my disorganization be a topic of discussion made it feel like a much more vulnerable thing.
And that’s when MMM said something profound. Just imagine being at the final judgement of a righteous God who knows every single evil thing we have ever done. If that doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what will. But here’s the glorious part! Despite every evil thought, word, action, intent, etc.. we have a savior who has already paid the penalty! In my human existence, the final judgement is terrifying, but with Christ I am completely redeemed and rescued. I don’t have to be afraid.
I wasn’t expecting to have a strong reaction to reading our home study draft. I’m really glad that I got to experience that though. It has given me a much greater appreciation for the redemption of our loving savior.
