My thoughts on Modesty

I recently had a conversation about modesty, and it’s been on my mind ever since, so I thought I’d share a few of my beliefs.

If I had to state it in one sentence, this is what I’d say:

It is not my responsibility to keep the minds of men away from temptation, but it is my pleasure, privilege, and honor to help them in that fight to the best of my ability. 

For me, dressing modestly is not for my husband, it’s actually for yours. My husband has seen it all already, and there have even been times when he’s wanted to show me off more. 

My husband, just like every man, is a visual person. He fights (and wins) temptation on a daily basis because our society surrounds us with images unnecessarily. And while yes, I do get frustrated with our society, I know there is only so much I can do. So I dress modestly. I try to be mindful of other women and wives who are praying for strength for their husband. 

I don’t want to look back on a fun evening with my husband and know that I may have been the stumbling block for the husband sitting two tables away. It isn’t necessary. I know that I have made poor decisions with my clothing as well, but I’m still working on it.

Again, I know and will continue proclaiming that it is not my job to keep minds pure. It’s not my responsibility, and it isn’t something I can even control. But, as a believer, I look at these men as my brothers. And if by presenting them with less temptation helps them at all, it is my absolute pleasure to do such.

I don’t expect people who do not follow Christ to follow the standards I hold for myself. We are supposed to look different than the world! I try not to judge others by what they wear, but honestly I do struggle more when I see women who profess to be believers who dress to the standards of society.  

I also really want to bring up this truth..my sexual orientation, my personal anatomy, and what I choose to cover it.. none of those things define me. I am so much more than my sex drive. I’m a child of the King who loves reading, singing, my dogs, being outside, working in the OR, who just happens to love and be loved by a man. Our culture is so stuck on defining one another by their sexual labels, please don’t forget how much more there is to each of us. 

My goal is definitely not to sound “holier than thou” at all. I have major issues that I need God’s help in too, but maybe God has been giving you a nudge when it comes to what you wear. Would you want some other girl wearing that in front of your husband? No matter what, I’m going keep trying my best to help and not hinder my brothers fight for purity, will you consider doing the same?

Her Tree of Life (3/3)

You can check out part one - here!

Check out part two - here!

It has been my great pleasure to work together with a dear friend to write down her incredible testimony of God's goodness in her life. It is our deepest wish that reading this story will be an encouragement to you, no matter what stage of life you are in.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

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Names have had a large role in my story, and it just continues with this little boy that we were able to adopt. He came to us with a name (we'll call him JC) that means 'fair or righteous', but God had given us a different name years ago. JC was 4 years old when he actually wanted us to call him by a new name! The name he wanted us to call him was only 1 letter off from the name God had shown us long before! After much discussion and prayer, we did legally change his name from JC to JM. His new name means "Yahweh is God" and "Who is like God?" 

We ended up doing foster care for 16 years, and had around 25 kids in and out of our home. During that time, we had two young ladies ask us to adopt their baby. The first was another little boy who we had in our home before he eventually went back to his mother, and the second was a little girl that we were able to see at the hospital. Her mother also decided that she wanted to mother her little girl. We were fortunate to have so many things ready for these two little ones that we were able to bless their moms and help them get started. It hurts. You know we longed for, and prayed for these children. But thank You for letting us bless them.

I was 40 years old, and C had really great health insurance, so we decided to try for another pregnancy. Because of our infertility journey, we decided to do in-vitro fertilization (IVF) one time. We were adamant that any and all fertilized eggs would be implanted and given a chance to grow. Our doctors were shocked when we had 5 fertilized eggs to use. So we had all 5 eggs placed inside me, and as I lay there waiting for this procedure, I started naming our little ones. Sadly our attempt for IVF did not take, and we added to our numbers of lost children:

N-- (my aborted son)

Noah (our ectopic loss)

Oliver (IVF)

Olivia (IVF)

Chad (IVF)

Lucy (IVF)

Luke (IVF) 

Plus our multiple potential adoptions that fell through. 

At the age of 37, we were chosen to parent our son, JM, but the desire of motherhood just wouldn't leave. The desire wasn't satisfied. I cried out to God and asked Him to take away this desire to be a mother. I wouldn't have given you this desire if I wasn't going to fulfill it. Doing foster care was something I was passionate about, and I really feel like God gave me such a desire for motherhood to give me the ability to love on other people's children. I loved being there to support these little kids and their families, and show them what being in a family is really like. You see these moments? These precious exchanges with My children? This is what you were made to do.

Years later, we had a little one staying with us through foster care who we were on track to adopt, but despite every circumstance being against the decision, the judge decided to send that little boy back to his biological family. It was our third adoption that fell through. I'm 45...I'm tired. Going back and forth with hope and loss is too hard. Let's just be grateful for our one son and be done!  

Then we got this call asking if we would be open to taking another baby in foster care. His situation was more precarious and they needed to find a foster home for him that day. I called C at work and he just asked me if I wanted another baby. I'm tired, and this is so hard, but yes! I still want a baby! We decided to say yes! I was able to bring this little baby with me to my job as a coordinator at Hope Pregnancy Center. There was a girl at the Center who enjoyed taking pictures, and she just happened to get a picture of the first time I kissed this little boy who was just two days old. He went from having this scrunched up face to completely relaxing in my arms. Have you been waiting for me, little one?

It turned out that this little guy would have special needs. We definitely didn't want him to go through foster care to struggle more than he already was. Our family of three prayed together and agreed that this baby was supposed to be in our family. We ended up adopting him at 1.5 years old. He came to us with no name, and so I asked C about naming our new son N-- that means "Gift of God" just like my N- that I aborted. They had told me that my baby would have had special needs because of all the drugs I'd been taking. You've given me a second chance. I know that You have my N-- with You, and he would have had special needs. Thank you for giving me another son like him.

When you walk the road with a special needs kid, it is a totally different journey. You see things so differently. It's been a beautiful life with him, but hard… very hard. I believe God took all that time to get me ready to have our two sons. God has given abundant grace to our family. JM is a successful adult who is soon to be married. And N-- is now 20 years old and doing so well! He still struggles, but lives in a wonderful group home and has a job. We are so proud of them both!

I went through many dark times, after my abortion and motorcycle accident. I didn't want to look back on those experiences. I wanted to stay numb. It all just hurt too badly. When God got a hold of me, He showed me that I needed to give up all of those painful things. As each memory popped up, I needed to give that over to God. He walked me through each of those hard memories to bring me healing. 

Do you have a desire that you feel is a gift from God, but there's no sign of that desire being fulfilled? Are you struggling to hold onto hope? If God put that desire in your heart, He put it there to fulfill it. It might not look like what you are expecting. It might not be the plan you have. It could be mothering foster children, or other women going through trials. If He has given you a desire, He put it there to fulfill it. He just asks us to be open to how He would fulfill it. It isn't always "happily married, now we have a baby… everything is going as planned." It isn't always like that. You need to be open to His plan for you! His plan is uniquely perfect for YOU. Each and every plan is individual for each and every one of us. 

A man’s heart plans his way,

But the Lord directs his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

Just remember that you don’t want anything unless God also wants that for you. It won’t be worth it if God isn’t in it. Pray for His will in this journey that you are on. I prayed for God to take my desire away and He actually increased it. I truly believe that it was to get one son at 37, another son with special needs at the age of 45, and to mother many foster children. There is nothing that compares to the joy I’ve experienced knowing that God has got this, and that I am following His plan for my life. You aren’t alone here. You don’t need to make things happen. God has got this! He is walking beside you just waiting to show you what is in store. Will you walk with Him no matter how long it takes? I can’t wait to see how God shows you His glorious plan for your life!

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If you have had an abortion or are considering having an abortion, please check out this amazing resource of information. --- Here

-All names are changed to initials to protect the identity of those involved.

Her Tree of Life (2/3)

If you missed the first part of her story, you can read it here!!

It has been my great pleasure to work together with a dear friend to write down her incredible testimony of God's goodness in her life. It is our deepest wish that reading this story will be an encouragement to you, no matter what stage of life you are in.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

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I felt like I was going to vomit. Every fiber of me was struggling. If I get up, everyone will know what I've done. If I start crying, they'll know...I don't want anyone to know. So I sat there panicked, feeling like I was going to explode with all of the emotions.

Having the kind of God we have… He thought of every little detail to bring healing. The event seemed to last forever but it was finally over and I was anxious to leave, but a different little old lady came over to me and hugged me. I never had anyone who truly comforted me like that, and I bawled like a baby. She told me that God had moved her to come over and pray with me about my aborted baby. I continued to cry. Right then and there, the emotions I'd been stuffing started coming out. I asked for forgiveness, and she forgave me for the body of Christ. And she said that God wanted me to ask Him about my baby: whether it was a boy or girl, and what their name was! I was scared to ask, but God answered me. N--... a son. I have a son. I went home and immediately looked up the name N--, and it meant "Gift of God". God orchestrated each moment to bring me to a place where I could truly start to grieve, heal, and accept His forgiveness for the shame and regret I felt.

The same year, I was cooking when I suddenly had extreme pain in my side. I sat in the bathroom unable to move. Please God, send him home soon to help me! My husband did arrive home early, prayed over me, and after some discussion he said he thought I was pregnant but was very concerned that something was wrong! We went into the hospital, and sure enough, my test was positive. I was pregnant again, but this time something was wrong. I ended up in surgery where they discovered that my baby had implanted onto my ovary. The baby did not survive the procedure.  

We went to a doctor to find a solution to our infertility. He was adamant that he perform a major surgery in order to give us a 10% chance. God gave us both a lack of peace. We had the surgery scheduled, but C and I both knew at the last minute that it wasn't the right choice. We chose not to proceed, despite the wishes of the doctor and our family. We later learned that the doctor we were going to work with had ended up facing many lawsuits for malpractice. God spared us from that. 

Underneath all of this was an undying yearning to be a mother. C and I were not in agreement on pursuing adoption, so we continued to wait. I had a dear friend who was also struggling with infertility. One day she visited me in tears, not sure how to tell me that she was finally pregnant, knowing that I wasn't pregnant. She sought the Lord on my behalf and she felt like God had just given her a picture of a big baby boy with dark hair that would one day be our son. Right then and there, I knew I didn't want anyone else to feel horrible around me because they had a child when I had none.

We'd lived in Seattle for about 5 years, and I knew I didn't want to live there long term. God, You know my desire to live closer to family. Please show him Your will and I will follow. C came home and he told me that he just felt like we were supposed to move back to Minnesota.

Shortly before we made the decision to move, I'd had my first good dream after years of nightmares. In the dream I saw this large fireplace with granite all around it. There were a bunch of weeds that I had to lift away, and as I lifted the weeds, a black dog ran out with and joined our other black dog, and then a little boy came out. He had very dark hair, and he was crying. In the dream I held him and started crying. Why are you crying?  He told me that he was waiting. I held him tight and felt this unbelievable love for him. He's waiting for me! I was so excited to share this dream with C, and we both just knew that one day we would have a son.

We had a pastor who encouraged us to really seek the Holy Spirit, so I prayed for God to show me where we were supposed to live. As I was praying, I felt that God was putting the words "white" and "Indian reservation" on my mind. Are You calling us to be missionaries at an Indian reservation? I was looking at a map, and God just showed me this rectangular area on it and there was an Indian reservation within the rectangle call White Earth. We agreed to look in this area for our home. We went to Minnesota and starting looking at homes within this rectangle that I had seen. It had been days, but we weren't finding anything. Am I just going nuts? Did I really see God show me this area, or was it just my imagination? On our last day of vacation, we saw a sign in front of a realtor office, and it said "log cabin on 90 acres". We decided to check it out, just in case. The realtor just happened to be there and brought us right out to the cabin. As we opened the door, I saw it. It was the fireplace from my dream. I had goosebumps! I whispered in my husband’s ear that this was my dream fireplace, and we both knew this is where we were supposed to be. God! You did it! You brought us exactly to the place You wanted. 

We went back to Seattle and prayed about how much to offer for the cabin in the woods. Gratefully, they accepted our offer, so we now owned this place that was the fulfillment of my dream. I later realized that the location of our cabin was exactly in the middle of the rectangle I'd seen on the map. God, You are too good!

As we drove the moving van and our vehicle from Seattle to Minnesota, I was praying and God just gave me a song. For He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. So I will delight myself in the Lord and He will give me the desires of my heart. For He is the one that has put them there, only to fulfill them.(Psalms 113:9,37:4) I sang the rest of the way.  

As we got settled in our new home, we found a church to attend and started getting involved. One of the things I did was lead the teen girls Sunday school class. Once a month, I'd have someone from the church come speak to the girls and share their testimony. One Sunday, the person I'd arranged for, couldn't make it to church, so the girls asked me to share my testimony. I shared about how God had brought us to this place. There was a girl in my class at the time. She was 16 and living in a foster home and she was pregnant. She and I connected before and after her baby was born. She would tell me how much the baby missed me, and whenever I would hold her baby, he would just snuggle into me. God, help me! I've never felt this desire before. I've never wanted someone else's child. 

For seven months, his precious mom struggled with not really knowing how, or if she wanted to parent. She ended up speaking with our pastor and asked him to include us in the situation. She wanted us to parent her little one. Thank you, God! You worked every piece into place for this moment. This little boy just happened to have really dark hair. It was a long journey, but at the age of 18 months, he was officially ours and we were beyond thrilled. We now had a big baby boy with dark hair. Thank you, Lord! We were completely bonded and in love with each other. We had been married for ten years, and to have this fulfilment of all the words and the dream God had given us about this son... it was just like the heavens had opened up above us to give us this precious gift. Is there anything sweeter than receiving a promise from God and seeing it come to pass. 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

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Check out the last segment of her story -- Here!

If you have had an abortion or are considering having an abortion, please check out this amazing resource of information. --- Here

-All names are changed to initials to protect the identity of those involved.

Her Tree of Life (1/3)

It has been my great pleasure to work together with a dear friend to write down her incredible testimony of God's goodness in her life. It is our deepest wish that reading this story will be an encouragement to you, no matter what stage of life you are in.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

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The year was 1973, and Roe v Wade had legalized abortion nationwide. Drugs became my escape from the world which seemed pretty dark. At 19, while doing heavy drugs, I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. I made an appointment with my local planned parenthood (PP) to figure out what my options were, struggling with the idea of bringing a child into the darkness of this world I was in. After learning of my drug use, the workers at PP declared that my baby would certainly have special needs. Abortion was the only option given to me. I thought that I was actually doing my little one a favor by aborting him/her instead of making them live a life with special needs. It was a very hard thing. I still remember going in for the procedure, laying on the table. I've changed my mind. I don't want to do this to my little one! I tried to get up, but they held me down and it was too late. February 15, 1973, was the day I had an abortion. My child would have been 46 now.

Afterwards, I walked out and just happened to be interviewed by a woman with the local newspaper. She asked me if I would ever have an abortion again. I definitely would not ever have another abortion. There is not a time that I hear the word abortion that I don't feel it greatly. I know I am forgiven, but it's still very hard. You walk out and you're never the same. I've been told it usually takes about 10 years after an abortion for women to truly start healing. The immediate aftermath was an increased darkness in my already dark life.

Drugs continued to play a large role in my life after the abortion. I used them to numb the pain...the pain of all my past trauma, and on top of all of that, the pain of the abortion. It was during this season that I didn't really care if I lived or not. Five years after the abortion, I was involved with a guy who was also into drugs and alcohol. One day we got on his motorcycle while he was drunk. I didn't really care. I even gave my purse to another friend to give to my family if something went wrong. I knew, I just knew, but I didn't care.

We were hit by a wild drunk who stole his stepfather's car. My boyfriend ended up in the ditch with the motorcycle, while I was thrown into the air, bounced off a taxi and slammed against a brick building 150 feet away.

I was in intensive care for quite a while. It looked like I might not make it. And if I did, it was almost certain I would lose my leg. I can't lose my leg! I want to dance! Bike! Move! To this day, I've have 14 surgeries to keep my leg. I was laying in that hospital in traction for four months. And while I was there, I had so many people from all walks of life come visit me. Many of them had the love of Christ in common. Each visit was like a spark of light in my darkness. I started having hospital employees asking me to share a room with someone else in order to cheer them up! God was moving in my life more than ever. I noticed quickly that out of my hospital room window was a big brick church with a cross, lit up like a beacon on top, banishing the darkness around it. It touched me greatly. Thank you, Lord, for giving me a second chance. At that moment, I rededicated my life to the Lord. I wanted Him to show me what He'd have me do with the rest of my life. Years later, I heard that shepherds would break the leg of the lamb that was wayward. They'd carry the lamb on their shoulder so it could learn their voice. I truly think that is what God did for me. I needed to be broken in order to let Him carry me. The consequences of that accident have been many, but God has been bigger.

God orchestrated so many things for me to meet my husband (we'll call him "C") at a Bible study. We got married 2.5 months after we met. When he asked me to marry him, I told him my story. By God's grace, he still wanted to marry me. After the wedding, we moved to Seattle, Washington. It had been ten years since my abortion, and I still felt completely numb. I wouldn't let myself cry or feel emotion. I completely shut down because I couldn't handle the shame and guilt inside of me.

I was in the store one day and this little old lady came walking up to me. She told me, "God sent me over to give you this invitation to women’s aglow meeting." God sent a little old lady over here for me?!  I felt so special! I decided to go to the meeting without knowing anyone there. I sat at this big table next to these beautiful Christian ladies that I just felt like a dirtball next to. One of the biggest struggles I had during this time was feeling like I didn't deserved any good thing after what I had done. But I sat there, and this lady got up on stage and spoke on how she had discovered a gift for painting. She undraped this picture of Jesus holding the aborted baby with blood dripping on a newspaper with a headline stating the number of babies lost to abortion in the last ten years.

I felt like I was going to vomit. Every fiber of me was struggling. If I get up, everyone will know what I've done. If I start crying, they'll know...I don't want anyone to know. So I sat there panicked, feeling like I was going to explode with all of the emotions.

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Keep your eye out for the next two segments of her story!
Check out segment 2/3 -- Here!
And segment 3/3 -- Here!

If you have had an abortion or are considering having an abortion, please check out this amazing resource of information. --- Here

-All names are changed to initials to protect the identity of those involved.