You can check out part one - here!
Check out part two - here!
It has been my great pleasure to work together with a dear friend to write down her incredible testimony of God's goodness in her life. It is our deepest wish that reading this story will be an encouragement to you, no matter what stage of life you are in.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
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Names have had a large role in my story, and it just continues with this little boy that we were able to adopt. He came to us with a name (we'll call him JC) that means 'fair or righteous', but God had given us a different name years ago. JC was 4 years old when he actually wanted us to call him by a new name! The name he wanted us to call him was only 1 letter off from the name God had shown us long before! After much discussion and prayer, we did legally change his name from JC to JM. His new name means "Yahweh is God" and "Who is like God?"
We ended up doing foster care for 16 years, and had around 25 kids in and out of our home. During that time, we had two young ladies ask us to adopt their baby. The first was another little boy who we had in our home before he eventually went back to his mother, and the second was a little girl that we were able to see at the hospital. Her mother also decided that she wanted to mother her little girl. We were fortunate to have so many things ready for these two little ones that we were able to bless their moms and help them get started. It hurts. You know we longed for, and prayed for these children. But thank You for letting us bless them.
I was 40 years old, and C had really great health insurance, so we decided to try for another pregnancy. Because of our infertility journey, we decided to do in-vitro fertilization (IVF) one time. We were adamant that any and all fertilized eggs would be implanted and given a chance to grow. Our doctors were shocked when we had 5 fertilized eggs to use. So we had all 5 eggs placed inside me, and as I lay there waiting for this procedure, I started naming our little ones. Sadly our attempt for IVF did not take, and we added to our numbers of lost children:
N-- (my aborted son)
Noah (our ectopic loss)
Oliver (IVF)
Olivia (IVF)
Chad (IVF)
Lucy (IVF)
Luke (IVF)
Plus our multiple potential adoptions that fell through.
At the age of 37, we were chosen to parent our son, JM, but the desire of motherhood just wouldn't leave. The desire wasn't satisfied. I cried out to God and asked Him to take away this desire to be a mother. I wouldn't have given you this desire if I wasn't going to fulfill it. Doing foster care was something I was passionate about, and I really feel like God gave me such a desire for motherhood to give me the ability to love on other people's children. I loved being there to support these little kids and their families, and show them what being in a family is really like. You see these moments? These precious exchanges with My children? This is what you were made to do.
Years later, we had a little one staying with us through foster care who we were on track to adopt, but despite every circumstance being against the decision, the judge decided to send that little boy back to his biological family. It was our third adoption that fell through. I'm 45...I'm tired. Going back and forth with hope and loss is too hard. Let's just be grateful for our one son and be done!
Then we got this call asking if we would be open to taking another baby in foster care. His situation was more precarious and they needed to find a foster home for him that day. I called C at work and he just asked me if I wanted another baby. I'm tired, and this is so hard, but yes! I still want a baby! We decided to say yes! I was able to bring this little baby with me to my job as a coordinator at Hope Pregnancy Center. There was a girl at the Center who enjoyed taking pictures, and she just happened to get a picture of the first time I kissed this little boy who was just two days old. He went from having this scrunched up face to completely relaxing in my arms. Have you been waiting for me, little one?
It turned out that this little guy would have special needs. We definitely didn't want him to go through foster care to struggle more than he already was. Our family of three prayed together and agreed that this baby was supposed to be in our family. We ended up adopting him at 1.5 years old. He came to us with no name, and so I asked C about naming our new son N-- that means "Gift of God" just like my N- that I aborted. They had told me that my baby would have had special needs because of all the drugs I'd been taking. You've given me a second chance. I know that You have my N-- with You, and he would have had special needs. Thank you for giving me another son like him.
When you walk the road with a special needs kid, it is a totally different journey. You see things so differently. It's been a beautiful life with him, but hard… very hard. I believe God took all that time to get me ready to have our two sons. God has given abundant grace to our family. JM is a successful adult who is soon to be married. And N-- is now 20 years old and doing so well! He still struggles, but lives in a wonderful group home and has a job. We are so proud of them both!
I went through many dark times, after my abortion and motorcycle accident. I didn't want to look back on those experiences. I wanted to stay numb. It all just hurt too badly. When God got a hold of me, He showed me that I needed to give up all of those painful things. As each memory popped up, I needed to give that over to God. He walked me through each of those hard memories to bring me healing.
Do you have a desire that you feel is a gift from God, but there's no sign of that desire being fulfilled? Are you struggling to hold onto hope? If God put that desire in your heart, He put it there to fulfill it. It might not look like what you are expecting. It might not be the plan you have. It could be mothering foster children, or other women going through trials. If He has given you a desire, He put it there to fulfill it. He just asks us to be open to how He would fulfill it. It isn't always "happily married, now we have a baby… everything is going as planned." It isn't always like that. You need to be open to His plan for you! His plan is uniquely perfect for YOU. Each and every plan is individual for each and every one of us.
A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.
Proverbs 16:9
Just remember that you don’t want anything unless God also wants that for you. It won’t be worth it if God isn’t in it. Pray for His will in this journey that you are on. I prayed for God to take my desire away and He actually increased it. I truly believe that it was to get one son at 37, another son with special needs at the age of 45, and to mother many foster children. There is nothing that compares to the joy I’ve experienced knowing that God has got this, and that I am following His plan for my life. You aren’t alone here. You don’t need to make things happen. God has got this! He is walking beside you just waiting to show you what is in store. Will you walk with Him no matter how long it takes? I can’t wait to see how God shows you His glorious plan for your life!
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If you have had an abortion or are considering having an abortion, please check out this amazing resource of information. --- Here
-All names are changed to initials to protect the identity of those involved.
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