I've been going through my computer trying to organize what I need to keep so I can wipe it clean and start over fresh. In this process I found this document. It was my first (and only, so far) sermon from 2013. It's a long read (even after I abridged it for you!), but I still think it's pertinent today.
I Need Not Fear October 2005
I woke up last night with tears running down my cheeks
My sleep disturbed by the fantasy of my mind
Being too afraid to shut my eyes
Sometimes I question why I've been cursed with these dreams
Whether there's a true reason for my fear,
or if it's just part of my nature
What do my dreams mean?
Will my nightmares come true?
Will I see my friends die right in front of my eyes?
Will I hear Satan standing next to me?
Will this curse ever break?
How many times have I been told that with Jesus I need not fear?
But sometimes it's so hard to have that kind of faith
And other times I know without doubt that this promise is true.
I want to be full of hope!
Help me to remember your promise that you'll never leave me or forsake me.
I do know that with You, I Need Not Fear.
My sleep disturbed by the fantasy of my mind
Being too afraid to shut my eyes
Sometimes I question why I've been cursed with these dreams
Whether there's a true reason for my fear,
or if it's just part of my nature
What do my dreams mean?
Will my nightmares come true?
Will I see my friends die right in front of my eyes?
Will I hear Satan standing next to me?
Will this curse ever break?
How many times have I been told that with Jesus I need not fear?
But sometimes it's so hard to have that kind of faith
And other times I know without doubt that this promise is true.
I want to be full of hope!
Help me to remember your promise that you'll never leave me or forsake me.
I do know that with You, I Need Not Fear.
I was 15 years old when I wrote this. I remember it plainly.
I was away from home and woke up in the middle of the night being absolutely
terrified and barely able to move. For years, this has been my battle: Fear. It
has been a daily struggle of mine to cope with my fear and live normally. And
you know what, I have grown oddly comfortable in my fear. You see, I know what
fear feels like. I know how to live in fear. And so I have allowed myself to
remain in this bondage my entire life, because I haven’t been willing to fight
against it! I have become apathetic about my battle with fear.
While I have remained apathetic about my personal struggles,
I have become quite passionate about the struggles of others, specifically the
physical, emotional, spiritual struggles of women in prostitution. I recently
re-read Francine Rivers’ book: Redeeming Love. It is a story similar to Hosea’s
in the Bible. The main male character feels God calling him to marry a
prostitute and though she is given a way out and a husband with Godly love, she
keeps running back to the life she knew. It was easier for her to rely on
herself and subject herself to that slavery than it was for her to choose
freedom with Christ.
As I was reading this book I was just heartbroken for the women that I have personally met who are lost in this captivity. After I finished the book, late one night, I woke up at 3:30am with one phrase repeating in my head.
As I was reading this book I was just heartbroken for the women that I have personally met who are lost in this captivity. After I finished the book, late one night, I woke up at 3:30am with one phrase repeating in my head.
“Everyone is enslaved
to something.”
