As I tried (and failed) to mentally prepare myself for another appointment, I completely broke. The anxiety in my heart was working overtime. I was able to talk to my mom and sister together, and they said exactly what I needed to hear. They listened so patiently to my complaints and frustrations. They listened as I exclaimed that I was physically falling apart.
And then my sister said the best thing."Go read in Psalms and give it up to God." I really needed that nudge.
My Bible actually flipped open to 139 where I read this...
"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them."
It was such a beautiful reminder. God made me in His image, and my God doesn't make mistakes. It's easy to look at where I'm at and think God must have made a mistake in there somewhere, but His Word says otherwise.
I kept reading in the chapter until I came to this:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; "
Wow, this was powerful, but the second half is where it really hit me.
"And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting."
Yet again, God had to teach me that by worrying and letting anxiety rule my day, I am not trusting Him, and it is sinful. You'd think I would have learned that by now.
God really is amazing! After showing me my need for Him, He brought me to see more of His promises.
"For You, O God, have tested us; You have refined us as silver is refined. You brought us into the net; You laid affliction on our backs. You have caused men to ride over our heads; We went through fire and through water; But You brought us out to rich fulfillment. (Psalms 66:10-12 NKJV)"
He has tested us, but He brought us to rich fulfillment. Doesn't that encourage you?
"The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. (Psalms 9:9-10 NKJV)"
This has been a time of trouble for me. It has been so hard and so very overwhelming, but I can truly say that God hasn't forsaken me.
I don't know what each of you may be going through, but I want you to know, you weren't made with mistakes. Maybe you can't see a reason for your struggles, but I guarantee that God does have a purpose.
