Balloons

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month, with October 15th being the specific day of remembrance. I didn't realize this until a friend of mine was sweet enough to give me a very good resource.  I found out that there was going to be a candlelight memorial service for those who've experienced loss on the 15th. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend, but then one of my dearest friends had a suggestion. She asked me if I'd like to send some balloons up with her. That meant so much to me....

So two days later we went to the park MMM and I got married at. It's a very special park to me, and a gorgeous one at that. It was a pretty windy day, and I'd been worried it would rain, but it cleared up just in time. My friend "S" picked up 3 balloons - a purple one for Rachel, a blue one for Michael, and a green one for her own son whom she lost a few years ago.

At first neither of us really knew what to say, but that didn't last long. We started talking openly about our losses and how they've affected us. I talked about how that day was Michael's estimated due date. Those who have miscarried will understand the pain that day can bring. I talked about the struggle of feeling like I should be nine months pregnant now and the reality of not being pregnant at all. She shared more of the pain of the loss of her young son, and some of the most difficult things for her to handle. We just talked to each other about our lost children and how to experience grief and also move past the circumstance. Above all, we both agreed that we never want to forget.

 She sent up her balloon to honor her son's birthday that just had passed. I sent up my balloons to honor those who never made it to their birthday. It was a truly powerful thing to do. We saw the wind lift our balloons and carry them away. I noticed right away that my balloons were tangled together. We watched them until they were specks in the Eastern sky, so far away from us. All the while my two balloons stayed together. It was like they knew they were meant for siblings almost close enough to be twins. Those balloons carried my notes and my heart toward heaven. I will always remember seeing them simply float away.