Publishing a book has been a dream of mine for such a long time. I always thought I would publish a fictional piece. Publishing my personal story was never the plan.
Writing Loss and Loneliness was a random idea that I didn’t take time to really consider. It was written in a flash. I was so excited and intent on self publishing it in time for my birthday that I disregarded the need to make sure I had done a good job. There were so many mistakes: typos, punctuation, formatting, etc. Yet, I was in too big of a hurry to even notice or care.
I quickly realized how foolish I’d been. While the general story was how I intended, I felt so stupid for messing up my book in so many ways. Slowly, I fixed problems and had a friend do thorough editing. While I’m much prouder of Loss and Loneliness now, the blow to my confidence didn’t disappear.
Writing Hope in the Wait seemed to go so much smoother. I took my time with it. My friend also edited it. I remembered so many of the things I learned before. It still felt like a struggle to get it to the point of being proud of my work.
Writing, unlike my job, or singing, or basically anything else, is extremely vulnerable for me. While I’m not the best writer, the words I type are more than I would ever say. With written words I can bare my soul. Writing is the best way to open my heart. And that also makes it the scariest.
Hope in the Wait dives deeper into the mental battle I face daily. It displays my fear and anxiety for the world to see. It opens a window into the heartache that resides in infertility. And it’s scary to not know how it’s being received.
Not only do I question that more than a few people have even read it, but more so, I question their opinion of it. Do they see me differently? Did the find it a waste of their time? Do they consider me a terrible writer? It’s so incredibly nerve racking to be so vulnerable, and frankly, my self confidence in my writing is extremely low.
I fall back on the women who have told me that they were touched by my story. Getting those words of affirmation make such a difference! But I won’t be surprised if the vulnerability of writing will always crush my confidence.
Please hear my heart in this. I don’t want to be annoying or prideful, but I know firsthand how important this is on multiple levels. Please review books. It is incredibly helpful to every author. Take the five minutes to make someone’s day. Reviews are a source that I can go back to anytime I need a reminder that my words and my story have any value at all. Reviews help me crawl out of the muck of broken confidence. Reviews show me that God is working through me, which is the most important.
While it is not your job to write reviews, you have the capability of inspiring authors to write more! While it’s not your job to encourage writers, your five minutes can lift them up for years. It’s not your job, but it is a kindness that can be done with minimal effort.
And in the meantime, I’m going to keep reminding myself that my value doesn’t come from my writing ability. My value comes solely from being adopted into God’s family. He gave me a name, and that name is also His. He has claimed me as His own.
