If you missed the first part of her story, you can read it here!!
It has been my great pleasure to work together with a dear friend to write down her incredible testimony of God's goodness in her life. It is our deepest wish that reading this story will be an encouragement to you, no matter what stage of life you are in.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
----------
I felt like I was going to vomit. Every fiber of me was struggling. If I get up, everyone will know what I've done. If I start crying, they'll know...I don't want anyone to know. So I sat there panicked, feeling like I was going to explode with all of the emotions.
Having the kind of God we have… He thought of every little detail to bring healing. The event seemed to last forever but it was finally over and I was anxious to leave, but a different little old lady came over to me and hugged me. I never had anyone who truly comforted me like that, and I bawled like a baby. She told me that God had moved her to come over and pray with me about my aborted baby. I continued to cry. Right then and there, the emotions I'd been stuffing started coming out. I asked for forgiveness, and she forgave me for the body of Christ. And she said that God wanted me to ask Him about my baby: whether it was a boy or girl, and what their name was! I was scared to ask, but God answered me. N--... a son. I have a son. I went home and immediately looked up the name N--, and it meant "Gift of God". God orchestrated each moment to bring me to a place where I could truly start to grieve, heal, and accept His forgiveness for the shame and regret I felt.
The same year, I was cooking when I suddenly had extreme pain in my side. I sat in the bathroom unable to move. Please God, send him home soon to help me! My husband did arrive home early, prayed over me, and after some discussion he said he thought I was pregnant but was very concerned that something was wrong! We went into the hospital, and sure enough, my test was positive. I was pregnant again, but this time something was wrong. I ended up in surgery where they discovered that my baby had implanted onto my ovary. The baby did not survive the procedure.
We went to a doctor to find a solution to our infertility. He was adamant that he perform a major surgery in order to give us a 10% chance. God gave us both a lack of peace. We had the surgery scheduled, but C and I both knew at the last minute that it wasn't the right choice. We chose not to proceed, despite the wishes of the doctor and our family. We later learned that the doctor we were going to work with had ended up facing many lawsuits for malpractice. God spared us from that.
Underneath all of this was an undying yearning to be a mother. C and I were not in agreement on pursuing adoption, so we continued to wait. I had a dear friend who was also struggling with infertility. One day she visited me in tears, not sure how to tell me that she was finally pregnant, knowing that I wasn't pregnant. She sought the Lord on my behalf and she felt like God had just given her a picture of a big baby boy with dark hair that would one day be our son. Right then and there, I knew I didn't want anyone else to feel horrible around me because they had a child when I had none.
We'd lived in Seattle for about 5 years, and I knew I didn't want to live there long term. God, You know my desire to live closer to family. Please show him Your will and I will follow. C came home and he told me that he just felt like we were supposed to move back to Minnesota.
Shortly before we made the decision to move, I'd had my first good dream after years of nightmares. In the dream I saw this large fireplace with granite all around it. There were a bunch of weeds that I had to lift away, and as I lifted the weeds, a black dog ran out with and joined our other black dog, and then a little boy came out. He had very dark hair, and he was crying. In the dream I held him and started crying. Why are you crying? He told me that he was waiting. I held him tight and felt this unbelievable love for him. He's waiting for me! I was so excited to share this dream with C, and we both just knew that one day we would have a son.
We had a pastor who encouraged us to really seek the Holy Spirit, so I prayed for God to show me where we were supposed to live. As I was praying, I felt that God was putting the words "white" and "Indian reservation" on my mind. Are You calling us to be missionaries at an Indian reservation? I was looking at a map, and God just showed me this rectangular area on it and there was an Indian reservation within the rectangle call White Earth. We agreed to look in this area for our home. We went to Minnesota and starting looking at homes within this rectangle that I had seen. It had been days, but we weren't finding anything. Am I just going nuts? Did I really see God show me this area, or was it just my imagination? On our last day of vacation, we saw a sign in front of a realtor office, and it said "log cabin on 90 acres". We decided to check it out, just in case. The realtor just happened to be there and brought us right out to the cabin. As we opened the door, I saw it. It was the fireplace from my dream. I had goosebumps! I whispered in my husband’s ear that this was my dream fireplace, and we both knew this is where we were supposed to be. God! You did it! You brought us exactly to the place You wanted.
We went back to Seattle and prayed about how much to offer for the cabin in the woods. Gratefully, they accepted our offer, so we now owned this place that was the fulfillment of my dream. I later realized that the location of our cabin was exactly in the middle of the rectangle I'd seen on the map. God, You are too good!
As we drove the moving van and our vehicle from Seattle to Minnesota, I was praying and God just gave me a song. For He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. So I will delight myself in the Lord and He will give me the desires of my heart. For He is the one that has put them there, only to fulfill them.(Psalms 113:9,37:4) I sang the rest of the way.
As we got settled in our new home, we found a church to attend and started getting involved. One of the things I did was lead the teen girls Sunday school class. Once a month, I'd have someone from the church come speak to the girls and share their testimony. One Sunday, the person I'd arranged for, couldn't make it to church, so the girls asked me to share my testimony. I shared about how God had brought us to this place. There was a girl in my class at the time. She was 16 and living in a foster home and she was pregnant. She and I connected before and after her baby was born. She would tell me how much the baby missed me, and whenever I would hold her baby, he would just snuggle into me. God, help me! I've never felt this desire before. I've never wanted someone else's child.
For seven months, his precious mom struggled with not really knowing how, or if she wanted to parent. She ended up speaking with our pastor and asked him to include us in the situation. She wanted us to parent her little one. Thank you, God! You worked every piece into place for this moment. This little boy just happened to have really dark hair. It was a long journey, but at the age of 18 months, he was officially ours and we were beyond thrilled. We now had a big baby boy with dark hair. Thank you, Lord! We were completely bonded and in love with each other. We had been married for ten years, and to have this fulfilment of all the words and the dream God had given us about this son... it was just like the heavens had opened up above us to give us this precious gift. Is there anything sweeter than receiving a promise from God and seeing it come to pass.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12
---------------
No comments:
Post a Comment