Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
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The year was 1973, and Roe v Wade had legalized abortion nationwide. Drugs became my escape from the world which seemed pretty dark. At 19, while doing heavy drugs, I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. I made an appointment with my local planned parenthood (PP) to figure out what my options were, struggling with the idea of bringing a child into the darkness of this world I was in. After learning of my drug use, the workers at PP declared that my baby would certainly have special needs. Abortion was the only option given to me. I thought that I was actually doing my little one a favor by aborting him/her instead of making them live a life with special needs. It was a very hard thing. I still remember going in for the procedure, laying on the table. I've changed my mind. I don't want to do this to my little one! I tried to get up, but they held me down and it was too late. February 15, 1973, was the day I had an abortion. My child would have been 46 now.
Afterwards, I walked out and just happened to be interviewed by a woman with the local newspaper. She asked me if I would ever have an abortion again. I definitely would not ever have another abortion. There is not a time that I hear the word abortion that I don't feel it greatly. I know I am forgiven, but it's still very hard. You walk out and you're never the same. I've been told it usually takes about 10 years after an abortion for women to truly start healing. The immediate aftermath was an increased darkness in my already dark life.
Drugs continued to play a large role in my life after the abortion. I used them to numb the pain...the pain of all my past trauma, and on top of all of that, the pain of the abortion. It was during this season that I didn't really care if I lived or not. Five years after the abortion, I was involved with a guy who was also into drugs and alcohol. One day we got on his motorcycle while he was drunk. I didn't really care. I even gave my purse to another friend to give to my family if something went wrong. I knew, I just knew, but I didn't care.
We were hit by a wild drunk who stole his stepfather's car. My boyfriend ended up in the ditch with the motorcycle, while I was thrown into the air, bounced off a taxi and slammed against a brick building 150 feet away.
I was in intensive care for quite a while. It looked like I might not make it. And if I did, it was almost certain I would lose my leg. I can't lose my leg! I want to dance! Bike! Move! To this day, I've have 14 surgeries to keep my leg. I was laying in that hospital in traction for four months. And while I was there, I had so many people from all walks of life come visit me. Many of them had the love of Christ in common. Each visit was like a spark of light in my darkness. I started having hospital employees asking me to share a room with someone else in order to cheer them up! God was moving in my life more than ever. I noticed quickly that out of my hospital room window was a big brick church with a cross, lit up like a beacon on top, banishing the darkness around it. It touched me greatly. Thank you, Lord, for giving me a second chance. At that moment, I rededicated my life to the Lord. I wanted Him to show me what He'd have me do with the rest of my life. Years later, I heard that shepherds would break the leg of the lamb that was wayward. They'd carry the lamb on their shoulder so it could learn their voice. I truly think that is what God did for me. I needed to be broken in order to let Him carry me. The consequences of that accident have been many, but God has been bigger.
God orchestrated so many things for me to meet my husband (we'll call him "C") at a Bible study. We got married 2.5 months after we met. When he asked me to marry him, I told him my story. By God's grace, he still wanted to marry me. After the wedding, we moved to Seattle, Washington. It had been ten years since my abortion, and I still felt completely numb. I wouldn't let myself cry or feel emotion. I completely shut down because I couldn't handle the shame and guilt inside of me.
I was in the store one day and this little old lady came walking up to me. She told me, "God sent me over to give you this invitation to women’s aglow meeting." God sent a little old lady over here for me?! I felt so special! I decided to go to the meeting without knowing anyone there. I sat at this big table next to these beautiful Christian ladies that I just felt like a dirtball next to. One of the biggest struggles I had during this time was feeling like I didn't deserved any good thing after what I had done. But I sat there, and this lady got up on stage and spoke on how she had discovered a gift for painting. She undraped this picture of Jesus holding the aborted baby with blood dripping on a newspaper with a headline stating the number of babies lost to abortion in the last ten years.
I felt like I was going to vomit. Every fiber of me was struggling. If I get up, everyone will know what I've done. If I start crying, they'll know...I don't want anyone to know. So I sat there panicked, feeling like I was going to explode with all of the emotions.
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Keep your eye out for the next two segments of her story!
Check out segment 2/3 -- Here!
And segment 3/3 -- Here!
Check out segment 2/3 -- Here!
And segment 3/3 -- Here!
If you have had an abortion or are considering having an abortion, please check out this amazing resource of information. --- Here
-All names are changed to initials to protect the identity of those involved.
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