Weakness

The last two days have been pretty rough for me, honestly. I've had a few different circumstances come up lately that have seriously brought the worst out in me. I'm sorry to anyone who has encountered my "Mr. Hyde".

 I have felt so weighed down because of the emotions these circumstances usually cause, only this time has been much worse. I realized yesterday that Satan has a big hold on me in one area of my life and he knows the pressure points to make me crack. I am thankful that I was able to achieve a small victory yesterday by the power of Christ's name, but that made the devil come back even stronger today. 

This afternoon I felt my mind flood with negative thoughts on everyone around me, but mostly me. 

I heard questions asked that haven't been asked in years. 

I felt old emotions stir up of inadequacy and failure. 

I began to doubt my once strong convictions. 

I began to lose trust in the truths I have been reminded of so faithfully.

A feeling of anger and frustration arose in me.

I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces.

And all this was happening without good cause! I can seriously say that there is no reason I should have felt like that.  I have not endured so much trouble to be so discouraged. But Satan knows that these are the things that will make me shaky. These are the things the draw me farther from people and put myself in isolation. Satan knows exactly what I need to hear in order to doubt who God has created me to be. I'm tired of it. I don't want to feel this weight, this heaviness. I don't want to have a bitter spirit!

I wrote this a while back during a different difficult situation, but I have found that it's relevance is endless. It was a brief moment of encouragement to me today to be able to play my song once again. Now the trick is getting it from being just words on a page to making them words that are stamped upon my heart. I thought I would share the lyrics with you and hope that they may be an encouragement to you too.

All the trials, all the pain
All the suffering from today
All the weakness that I see in me.

I'm giving it up
Giving it all
To the one who will hold me,

All the hatred, and bitterness
Are so heavy on my chest
All the anger that I feel in me

Chorus x2

Bridge:
You are sovereign,
You are holy
You have taken all my sin away
You are sovereign
You are holy
Yoe are showing me your love

Chorus x2