“I’m not crazy.”

 I keep coming back to this conversation. 

I have spent Saeliana’s short life trying to get doctors to understand that I have concerns for her health. 

I have felt repeatedly dismissed. 

I took her to urgent care and was transferred to the er where their answer was “some babies are fussier than others: colic.”

That did not rest easy on my soul. 

That night I noticed some weird eye movements and she did get overheated. 

The following night I noticed her eyes more and she was hot! 

 9pm : 100.3

10pm : 100.3

11pm : 100.8

I woke Mark up to let him know I was taking her in, but this time I was taking her 40 minutes away to the children’s hospital. The local er had proven that they were not capable of caring fully for my child. 

I do not want my child to be ill, but I was so worried that her temp would fall and they would dismiss me too! I KNEW something was wrong. 

They took her temp as soon as we arrived: 102.6. 

They did not dismiss me! 😭

Nine out of ten people here have gone out of their way to tell me, “you did the right thing by coming here.”

Going through her history with the doctor, I told him that I wasn’t sure what it was, but my mama gut knew something was truly wrong. And his response? “I will take that seriously, and I’m gonna dig til we figure this out.” 

Not even a hint of disbelief. 

The next morning came the flurry of rounds with multiple doctors and in the middle of it one of the doctors started to address me. 

“I can see in her account that you’ve been reaching out to several doctors and it seems like they’ve been saying she’s just a little fussy. “

I was so nervous that her next comment would be reaffirming their position of colic, but what she said instead made me burst into tears…

“I want you to know that we are taking this seriously, and we are very concerned about your daughter, just like you are. 

You have done everything right. You’ve done exactly what she needed. And now she is exactly where she needs to be and we’re going to take care of her.” 

Throughout my life I have felt dismissed and not believed by medical professionals. Like I’m just an emotional female who is overly sensitive to normal aspects of life. I have been made to feel crazy for saying what I’m experiencing is not normal. 

Now I’m a mama to a baby girl who has been struggling with several things. And each time my suspicions have been confirmed my first response has consistently been, “I wasn’t crazy.” 

God has given us mothers intuition for a reason. And if I hadn’t listened to mine, we likely could be sharing much worse news right now. 

Saeliana has been diagnosed with meningitis (still determining which type). This can be deadly, but our sweet girl has been so well taken care of. Her symptoms drastically improved within 24 hours of arriving at the children’s hospital. 

This will still be a journey. This isn’t a quick fix. But, I feel absolute peace. She is exactly where she needs to be and she has just the right care team to see her through this. 

As always, I would ask for continued prayers for Saeliana as she fights for health!