The holidays are hard. During the rest of the year you will see examples of people treasuring time with family, but thanksgiving and Christmas are the MEGA holidays where EVERYONE is celebrating family at the same time. It’s no surprise that there are more exciting announcements during this time too. How many of your friends announced that they were either engaged or pregnant? It’s just what happens during this season. And it is right now that people in my situation have a choice to make. And both options are difficult. It would be natural, and easy to slip into bitterness at life, but that will only make my life more miserable, not to mention the lives of those around me. Or I can choose grace. I think grace is truly the right word to use. Your friend isn’t telling you about her proposal to make you feel worse about being single. And my friend isn’t telling me that she’s pregnant to make me sad and despondent.
Right now is the time to give grace to those who seem to have everything our hearts desire. God doesn’t have a finite amount of blessings to give out. Singleness and childlessness in our lives aren’t a direct result of their being given relationships and children and all the blessings being “spent.” I know I’ve said it before, but one of the best words of advice I’ve ever heard was “if God doesn’t want this for you, you don’t want it!” I have to remind myself of that every time I see another adoption announcement. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of why not me. But I don’t want Gods miracle for someone else. I want His miracle for me....and I know He has that miracle waiting for me! That miracle might not be a baby. It might not ever be a child for our home. But is Christ enough? My heart aches thinking of never being a mom here on earth, but if that is truly Gods plan for my life, I have to accept it as better than my plans.
Every single day is a battle. A battle to combat jealousy. A battle to remember that the journey for that family is different than mine. A battle to consider how I don’t know the troubles others have faced. It’s a battle to stop thinking of just myself and what i think will make me happy. Every single day I face the battle of giving grace to those who have achieved my hearts desire.
The holidays make it harder to fight that battle. I have so many Christmas traditions I want to create with my children. It’s this season that you can almost see what life could be like. Man, the longing is deep. I want to hold on to the last unrealistic sliver of hope that we’ll have a baby for Christmas, but it is a battle to hold on to hope.
I write all of this for two reasons: one, that if you are facing a harder battle during this season like I am, that you will know that you aren’t alone. Each day is a new opportunity to choose grace. Will you choose grace with me today? And two, that if you not fighting a battle right now, that you would be praying extra hard for me and others who are fighting. We may have run out of strength to pray for ourselves. Thank you for staying in our lives even when it is difficult!
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