The Worst Day

During my clinical rotation as a surgical tech, I've had the opportunity to see so many things. I'm constantly amazed at how our bodies function. I've seen the amazing transformation of one organ being surgically changed to function as another. Medicine is truly miraculous. I'm in awe of the intelligence that God has given to surgeons.

Some surgeries that I have helped in have been so encouraging! It is so wonderful knowing that the patient will wake up to hear that the bump that has caused so much anxiety is not cancerous. I've been able to assist patients with chronic health problems that surgery was able to fix! To be able to legitimately say I was part of changing someone's life for the better... it's impossible to beat that!

But there are the days that the outcome is not so good. I've have been in the room when babies have been born. I have been in the room when babies have died. Nothing could truly prepare me for being in that situation after going through my own experience. The likelihood of these patients actually remembering that I was there is very slim, but I remember them. I know that I was in the room for what may be the worst day of their life. I was in the room where I learned their diagnosis before the patient did.

It's hard to find the balance between feeling too much empathy and desensitizing yourself to the situation enough to function. It's difficult for me to know that I'm going to be in the room for heart wrenching situations and I'll have to be able to hold it together. I wish I could personally empathize with our patients and show them that they aren't alone.

One thing that I have really appreciated about my second rotation (and my upcoming job) location is how often I have talked to patients. Almost every patient gets introduced to the team operating before surgery begins. It makes it so much more personal.

I need to find the balance of still caring deeply and yet protecting myself from falling apart. I still have so much to learn. I want to be someone that they can look back on and say I was the good part of their worst day.